Moments
by SleeplessGarden
Summary: "Sometimes she looks back and wonders why she chose to sit back and wait. Wait for absolution, maybe. Waiting for this boy that made her feel like a disaster. Bruised. Broken. Whole. It wasn't until he knelt in front of her that the lightening cracked and so did she." Spoby.


**Moments **

_Love is like a sin, my love,_

_For the ones that feel it the most_

_Look at her with her eyes like a flame_

_She will love you like a fly will never love you again_

Sometimes Spencer looks back.

If anyone was to ask her what the defining moment in her life was, she would answer back with one they expected: the day she was hired at Pearson Hardman. Her wedding day. The birth of her children. The day Alison DiLaurentis finally set her mind free.

All of course, lies.

She remembers everything about the night, having replayed it over in her mind so many times. It always began with the slow rocking of the chair. He gave her that chair, back when everything was simple. Back when Spencer found her soulmate at age sixteen and was already dreaming of white dresses and 2.5 kids and a dog named Czar Henry. She went back to listening to the soft footsteps making their way upstairs, silent like a romantic lover, ready to bruise lips and nip at necks, concealed by the dark of night. Unstoppable. Unreachable. The way they used to be. She remembered his electric blue eyes, the eyes that can show the depths of the world in a second.

And of course, she remembered the storm.

Sometimes she looks back and wonders why she chose to sit back and wait. Wait for absolution, maybe. Waiting for this boy that made her feel like a disaster. Bruised. Broken. Whole. It wasn't until he kneeled in front of her that the lightening cracked and so did she.

Words were not spoken. She was pulled close into him, soft lips gently brushing over hers. She pushed herself further into him, hungering for more. Clothes were peeled and thrown in such a lazy manner she was almost sure this was just another late afternoon after a long day. His lips ran down the scope of her neck and the basins of her shoulders as she intertwined her legs with his, needing to be closer. They needed each other, ravenously, sporadically, desperately. Tomorrow was a day that would not come.

And then his head was on her chest and her hands were wrapped around him just trying to hold on to what they were and nothing made more sense in this moment than being there with him. It was desperate, ruthless, passionate. It was agony and aching and Spencer was sure she would be sobbing for the rest of her life over this one moment. But for this one moment, all she wanted was him.

Suddenly she was the rock in the relationship, smoothing back the beautiful curls and kissing his forehead as he clung to her and wept. How ironic, that she was a safe place to land for her tormentor. But suddenly he wasn't the cloaked villain who had ruined her for so many years or the possible murderer of her best friend. He was the boy whose eyes crinkled when he smiled, a beautiful grin only reserved for select people. He was the boy who would sit in her chair for hours, holding her until all the demons vanished. The boy who lay with her under her bed and whispered secrets back and forth until the stars became dawn and the dawn became another day. The boy who broke down in the alley because he couldn't comprehend living anymore.

And when that boy looked up with her now with those electric blue eyes and shared the whole world with her, she knew. That boy would never be able to return.

So when he lifted himself from her arms that night, she didn't protest. When he began dressing himself again, she didn't look for that mischievous glint. When he pressed his lips against her forehead for too long, she didn't kiss him back. When he walked to that door and looked back, she didn't say anything. They both knew too well that speaking only lead to consequences. And when Toby Cavanaugh walked out that door, she didn't chase him.

They found him a few days later, lying on top of a hill, a bullet in his temple. On top of their hill. How Shakespeare of him. Her friends expressed horror and sympathy, but she remained quiet and unfazed. Her mom considered sending her to a therapist for being too quiet, but her dad managed to convince her that it was a good sign Spencer was moving on. Alison's murder was put away and for once, Rosewood could sleep again. The girls never heard from the big scary letter at the beginning of the alphabet again. Years later, she would graduate from Harvard and immediately have a job a law firm, the pre plan. The before-him plan. She would marry a boy named Mike with blue eyes named that could only be compared to his and have three children with him, just as she always planned. She watched her children giggle and later, her grandchildren. She grew gray and watched Mike become gray with her. And then, now, she would sit on her deathbed after watching so many loved ones go before and remember that boy that she loved so desperately.

Sometimes Spencer looks back. And she knows she would love that broken boy all over again.

* * *

**If you recognized any references, I have permission from the lovely Bree to use one and the others mean you're just freaking awesome. I wrote this in September; still concerned for my mental health. **


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